Ver woke me up at around one in the afternoon. I was getting picked up by him since he was around the Binondo area. We caught up at his place and then met up with Manny, Laoers, Mat, Nica and Steph for a Korean dinner at Ye Dang. Food was yummy and so were the drinks afterwards at Side Bar. I almost passed out. Given my poor performance at Side Bar, I don't know how I'll survive my party this coming Saturday.

Despite the hangover from the night before, everyone managed to wake up to visit Gar at Manila Memorial. It was hot, and Mat's car didn't have tint so Manny, Ver and I were like chimichangas at the back seat! I say chimichanga since we had Ristra's for lunch. I couldn't finish the burrito no matter the effort - and I am still stuffed until now. The guys played Magic afterwards while I slept the afternoon away in Manny's comfy couch.

At night, I caught up with mom and aunt to catch Michael Jackson's This Is It. I am impressed. Michael Jackson is really an awesome performer.. but aside from that the movie made me think about stuff...

Apart from Michael's talent and dedication to his craft, what amazed me about this man is his capacity to touch people's lives. His music and his person, despite the issues that he faced, continues to inspire. I think everyone, in their most inner-self aspires to have this effect - to be an agent of change to others, to matter, to leave a legacy. Michael Jackson has obviously done this, and I felt very small watching this marvel on the silver screen.

I look back at the past twenty-three years and wonder how have I changed the lives of people? And somehow, a great sadness enveloped me upon this reflection because I remembered two people I value a lot in my life whom I think I have failed. For all my life I have been a go-getter. If I put my mind into things, I get them. There is nothing so far I have not succeeded in, save for these two people.

These two people, like me, like everyone else, want to matter. They have big dreams, a lot to prove and a lot of expectations to fulfill. They have big hearts too. I feel like a failure to these two people because I think despite showing them how they matter, it really made no difference at all...

I have 14 days left, and right now, I don't think I have enough time to change all that has happened... but I want to tell you, shoti and sleepyhead, that you both will always matter to me... I will miss you a lot.

I decided to write one entry per day before the big move to Singapore. Today is 17 days before that move - a move that I think will ultimately shape my life in so many ways.

It's a funny feeling knowing that your days are marked. Is this how an inmate feels before he walks the green mile to meet his fate? It's a calm surrender to the eventual end. There aren't a lot of questions, which I am surprised about. Simply put, there is a motion that drives you forward. It is a motion that reminisces all things past to prepare you for what is to become. It is a movement that does not trap you to history, but gives value to things that have molded the present. In the preparation to start anew, one cannot entirely scrap the markings of old. Like a roll of film, what has been captured plays one last time as the process of deletion occurs. The film shall always be the film, and what has been imprinted, though gone, has always been a part of it.

In many ways life is like this. We do not always want to go forward and yet, circumstances at times give us that extra push. When life presents us with a new beginning - we come across this process of being in-between the shift from what-is-then and what-is-to-be. I have been in this position a few times before, but unlike then, in these last 17 days I face the reality of things with more confidence and certainty. Like the inmate who steps towards his fate, each passing moment is both a surrender and an embrace to new possibilities of what lays beyond the now. It is a gift towards freedom that I am learning to value every step of the way.

~

I guess knowing that I have so little time left makes a difference with each day. Each moment spent with those people I care about becomes a lot more meaningful. Right now I just want to make each moment count and be happy with the days left here.

~

I wasn't really planning on going to Cebu. It was just that when I saw the Prima team, it just reminded me so much of my ABT family. And though the ABT has gone through so much in the past years - all the hurts and issues, still we are one family. Mariel reminded me that - that families stick together, and that what's great about this family is that we chose to stick by each other despite the hurts. I want Cebu to be a memorable trip. It's almost complete with just Scott missing, Edman pending confirmation, and well things blurry with Tot. But nevertheless, Casey, Kev, Jaki and Mariel are there.

We've gone through so much, but always the ABT will have a special place in my heart.

~

I'm spending tomorrow with Char, Annika and the rest of those friends from college that last for life. I miss them a lot.

~

Barkada mooncake dice game on Friday. I love my barkada. They actually spoil me a lot. Lately, I don't really tell them how much I'll miss them, or how much they mean to me... I have a lot of shortcomings with them... and I admit that I do take them for granted. I'm sorry. I wish I had more time to make it up to you guys.