Didn't go to school today. Though I know the dangers of being alone, I'd rather take on that than having to break down in class, with my blockmates, while walking around the campus...I'd rather break down a thousand times alone than for people to see me like this.

reji (7/13/2005 11:29:25 PM): you alright man?
ian (7/13/2005 11:29:44 PM): no
reji (7/13/2005 11:30:43 PM): anything i can do?
ian (7/13/2005 11:30:58 PM): not really dude... but then i appreciate your concern
ian (7/13/2005 11:31:02 PM): pray na lang for me
reji (7/13/2005 11:31:32 PM): ayt, if anything just ask and il try
reji (7/13/2005 11:31:38 PM): not used to seeing you down man
reji (7/13/2005 11:31:46 PM): in fact...NEVER seen you down

Don't get me wrong guys... I really appreciate all your concern but I just can't talk about it and I hope you understand that. I know it's a shock to all those at school when I came into class looking that way, for those who saw me after also... It's a shock for me too to be unable to control my emotions. I know I usually have no contol over them but not to that extent and right now I hate myself for not controlling my emotions with everything that has happened.
Thank you
Carms: for asking me if I wanted vitamins
Reji: for your concern
Jen: for the tissue
John: for accompanying me after class
Gabbie: for helping me get sleep
Charles: for understanding that I can't go to the groupwork today

For those who know that I do break down and whom I often turn to, I'm sorry I cannot confide when I usually would... I know you're worried and I wish I could just hide my emotions from shouting out with how I looked... but just being there right now is what you can do best.
Enrique: thank you for your assurance
Mat: just being there for that hour... making me me feel safe
Tj: for your constant texts and advices and everything... I don't feel so alone

Yesterday everything was so bad... When I woke up this morning... It felt worse but I am trying to cope and I don't know what to do or what can end this or what will happen... if things would change and all... Please please pray because sometimes I find it hard praying about it cause it hurts. Just cheer me up and pretend nothing's bothering me. I'd really appreciate the distraction.

"When I looked into your eyes 
The moment that I let you go I just broke down."
- Natalie, Goin' Crazy