Its 3:30 am and once again, I am writing.

At this hour, I can't help but think of things... especially on how the past 2 months have unfolded. It seems to me that this is all a dream, good enough for me not to want to wake up. Yet, slowly I am realizing that sometime soon, I will have to go back to my life... and for a moment, that thought scares me and also makes me sad.

The past 2 months was a fresh start for me, a total revamp of my whole 19 years of living. In 2 months, I have learned to focus on my objectives, balance things out, and be independent. I read and study everyday. I try to eat healthy and go to the gym. I have fun with my friends. Everything seems perfect really.

But I guess the one thing wrong with this picture is that I am aware that soon this will not last... Sometimes this is the source of my sadness and the source of trying not to immerse myself so much, especially with regards to relationships. I have never ever learned how to deal with pain properly... I know trying to avoid it isn't the answer but what can I do? Fear of hurt just backs me up in a corner...

More than the shopping, the nice school and the great city, I know the thing that I will miss most in Hong Kong is the one thing that I have been trying to avoid of loving too much. Yet I know deep down, I love so much like hell though it rarely shows.

I will miss everyday with all of you... and I know that those days may never come again... It's going to be hard... Harder when I look back and reminisce on how these times were one of the happiest in my life...

But then again, I may just be asking for too much from God... as it is, you are a blessing, and spending 4 months with all of you will always be better that spending a lifetime not knowing you. If the pain of separation, of distance, of change is so great... I know though that I will always embrace that pain fully because I know that the past 2 months and the coming days, will give me strength, and happiness and comfort and love to go through life once more when I wake up from this dream.