Yesterday I attendended the awarding of the poetry writing competition. It was an hour and a half long and I was tired from the morning classes but Ms. Wok's words seemingly made time fly fast.

"and Ian's poem, Rain, depicted his own honest voice.

The icy drops trickle on my bare arms
Yet I do not flinch, not an instant alarmed
Standing, drenched, I do not move
I embrace the rain.

His words are so proud, and his honesty makes these words powerful."

and then Ms. Wok continues in which her message cam across to me as this:

What makes poetry hard is that when we write we immerse our own self, our every fabric in our work. The words are not but letters combined to make a meaning but it makes meaning because we have made it so.

I realize that I write because sometimes what I feel just cannot flow out straight from my mouth and it is n poetry that these emotions and thoughts are expalined the best. Sometimes I write because there is no other way to get the message across. How can I explain the happiness, or the anxiousness or often the pain that I feel in just conversational language? What Ms Wok said is true. Writing is hard because we pour our wholeselves into it. I think I pour my wholeself into my writing because there are times when I give myself so much to others but they do not realize it. That's why I place it in paper, in a poem, so that maybe someone may read it and know what I feel... appreciate all that I have given.

Ms. Wok made me wonder if I really do embrace the rain. Sometimes I wonder which part of me shouted to make that poem of strength and of pain alike. Right now I feel so weak, that with each icy drop, my skin stings. I have known of past hurts and what I go through now is not even worse, or bad, or destructive. In scale, it is no comparison to the sad experiences that I have gone through before. What makes right now difficult is that the pain transcended from usery, from lies, from insecurity, from feeling lost to a pain that didn't give me all these but one that will take away happiness, security, value, routine, honesty, belongingness and the opportunity for a friendship to grow. I fear losing all these wonderful things. Right now I feel as if I am slowly losing grasp of it already... and right now I do not want to embrace the rain but stay still under the sunny warmth of the time we've shared.