I hope that I could trust more in my friends...

- trust not in the sense that I can't share privy things with them or that they'd tell secrets or the sort...

By trust I mean trust in their friendship, that I matter to them and that they would do the same for me as I do for them, that I could count on them, that they care, that I shouldn't be insecure and the like. I guess it's just hard doing that after all I've gone through... but I want to try to begin doing that, try letting my guard down again despite the risk, try not holding on... I think I owe that to some people and I want to apologize for not trusting them so much even though I say I do (to lao and mat esp). But even though the insecurities and the hurt it brings about sometimes, I still try to fight it out and stick by you guys because in this sense, I believe...

Sidenote: I'm wondering whether I should make my blog private that only some people can read it... I feel like my blog just explodes with emotions and sentiments that sometimes I feel embarassed already just thinking any random person can peek through it...