Is it really this heavy to face everything alone? I never thought it would feel this way - like a bomb trapped inside, ready to explode and yet the fuse is not ignited. Yet it is as if the chemicals leak and it burns me while the weight pulls me down. Yet, I must go on.

No, I do not wish you to give me solutions. I know that what I feel you can never understand. I don't want encouragement nor insipiration. Right now when I take all these sorrows I do not want to turn to you and talk about them... I am learning to take the bitterness alone, without you knowing about my sufferings.

Rather when I seek for you, I want to talk about other things... about life, fun, dreams and hopes. I pry away from my sorrows not because I need you to distract me or let me forget about it, but because I realize the time we spend is too short to be talking about pain. Moreover, in you I do not see pain but happiness and this is what I want to celebrate.

I miss you not because you are there for me when I need you. Rather, I miss you because problems or no problems, you make me happy. And sometimes though I know I need to trust that you are always there despite the distance or lack of time, I need reminding that somehow, problems or no problems, I make you happy as well.

I guess I'm not used to carrying this load alone `cause you have always helped me carry it when I open up to you. But even now, I try to think that you still are helping me... even though at times it really is tough to think that because of our different lives and changes and growing up... but I want to hope once more... even if hoping usually gets me nowhere. Because though it would be easier to just let go and not care about friendship, I know life would not be happier or have much meaning without you around.