I'm tired. My body is, after just 4 hours of sleep. I'm emotionally tired too.
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The thought just occurred to me of how I can't understand friends when they go:
"I didn't ask you to do that, be there for me, sacrifice, go that extra mile or whatever..."But isn't that what friends are all about? You give up so much without being asked or without requirement just because of the fact that you care... and it's sad when in the end when you get blamed for simply being a friend.
Another downside is... sometimes people can just take you for granted when they know you're going to be there for them even without asking:
"I did say it was your choice afterall, and you chose to be there..."At this point, you feel that you've been drawn into an emotional blackmail. You can't back out because you care... but on the otherhand you feel quite used...
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It might just seem trivial but I do miss of how you were back then. I came across the old messages since my inbox was full, and it just hit me how now you've become less thoughtful? There are times even when you forget to say "thanks". Maybe you just have been more comfy nowadays with the friendship, knowing I'll always be there for you when I can... but in a way there's a part of me that feels taken for granted... a little used... and forgotten. Can I be blamed when I feel that our friendship right now exists because I can help you?
I hope you give me a reason to think that it's not just about utility. I miss the old you, the thoughtful you. But maybe you can't be blamed... Maybe I showed you that I wasn't worth that much, that you were worth more to me. Maybe you feel that I had so much more to lose if I wasn't there for you, thus you take me for granted. And the sad fact about this is that I think it's true... it probably won't make a difference to you if I were gone.
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I hate bein effin emo... Now those people who read my blog and who don't know me too well prolly think I'm crazy... (I just don't feel the need to write about the happy stuff. I had a blast last Saturday... Maybe I'll write about that when the pics are uploaded.)
Hello Singapore on Wednesday... I need you so much!!!
