Looking back, I'm wondering whether I didn't go because it was inconvenient for me, or because if it was you who was placed in the same inconvenient situation; you wouldn't make any effort for me. I'm wondering whether I didn't go because I had a prior engagement, or if I just used that as an excuse to not see you at all.
I'm thinking about it, not because I regret not going. I'm thinking about it because I probably miss you right now. And it will always be hard when that happens because I will probably always miss you and I'll get hurt each time. The thought doesn't bring me down like it used to though.. No, it's not sadness... as Jaki says "it's neither this nor that..." It's a mix of disappointment, fear, doubt and yet at the same time a part inside of me cries out loud saying "there's hope... give it another shot..."
But amidst all this wondering, all this uncertainty of feelings... there is one thing I still know, you still mean a lot to me., that I doubt that would ever change...
