My excitement could not be hidden this week. Keeping busy with my birthday plans with the bowling team, the barkada and my family has kept me preoccupied. I remember chatting with Tj for Sunday's plans, about how we'll get pizza and have the barkada over, play wii and sing the night away. In my mind the picture of a fun day was starting to form.

Like a grand painting waiting to begin, all the materials were in place for Sunday's celebration. I was smiling, my fingers tapping away on the keyboard as the plans went on and yet a single thought made me stop. It was as if the painting would never be finished all of a sudden; the painter realizing that he is missing one single color. It dawned upon me that for the first time in years Gar wouldn't be there, and he was the single irreplaceable hue that made my painting complete.

The tapping of the keyboard slowed down, the smile faded and tears welled up in my eyes. This birthday Gar wouldn't be here to celebrate it with me and the anticipation swiveled 360 degrees into emptiness. I cried. For the nth time I cried for Gar and I cried for myself, knowing that I too have lost a part of my being in his death.

I miss you Garrick. I miss you a lot. I know no birthday wish can bring you back to us. I know no birthday party can replace the smile that you bring. I miss you Garrick and I will always miss you.

In the end, I decided for a change of plans. The barkada and I are spending Sunday afternoon at Manila Memorial. I guess it is the closest thing that we can do to feel that you're here with us Gar. Maybe the painting will end up okay on Sunday, not as nice, never as complete yet still finished... and the painter continuing to paint as he learns to find strength in the hue that was lost.