Lunch breaks in the office seem to be my time of reflection nowadays... and this lunch break I had to just plop my head down on the table and silently wipe the tears... I just don't know how it had gotten to this stage, how all the laughter, happiness, honesty, concern and love has been slowly turning into fights, shouts, hurts, pain, lies, anger...

We've resolved things but I'm scared... things with us seem all downhill, and though I fight to go back to the top, this pain inside just heavily weighs me down... I guess that's why I'm asking for your help because I can't do this alone. I've tried... but I can't do it alone.

Mat told me: "you guys are supposed to be friends, if it's so hard to work out your differences, then maybe you have your answer right there. It maybe better for you both not to be close..."

But despite the advise, what keeps me going is that we both said we'd fight it out, that despite all the pain we've brought to each other we said "kaya pa yan, laban pa."

And so I am fighting, even if everything is so tough... even if others tell me to give up, even if before I would have given up...

This afternoon you told me "chill lang dyan, everything's gonna be aryt..." and I will believe that everything will be all right... because you believe it to be so... and I have always believed in you...