In times like these I feel helpless. All I have are mere words to comfort you, a pat on your back and the assurance that I'm going to be here for you as you see it through. Those seem very petty though compared to the pain I know you bear... and it hurts so much that I cannot take that pain away from you.

The past months I try to believe that somehow I helped you get along... but in those times I also felt that you were quite ashamed of me being your big brother; that the effort I put wasn't enough for you, or had made you sad instead. As much as it hurts to see you in pain, it also hurts a lot to know that I am no longer that person who you once turned to for happiness - and that I miss a lot.

I don't know how things will unfold in the next days... I do not know if that of before can be hoped to come back again... I do not know if hurting will cease (as with life's case I'm sure it never will end)... But in faith, I believe that despite the uncertainty of the future, the hopelessness of hoping, and unending pain, I will be here for you, as your friend, your brother, always.