I slept late Friday night so that half of my Saturday would be gone already by the time I woke up. I got to E-Lanes at around 3 pm to just drop off the Royce chocolates I got for the team. It was hard not going up those steps. It was doubly hard to see Jackie, and know that it would probably be a long time before I go back there again.

As I was walking towards Mary the Queen, where I planned to spend my afternoon, I got a text from the team saying "We love you Ian." I guess, they were enjoying the chocolates by then. I love the team too but it's just really hard to stay and deal with everything right now.

I didn't stay long as I expected at MTQ. The skies were getting darker and rain was imminent. At least the weather sort of went with my mood today, I positively thought. By the time I got to Promenade, it was already pouring.

I had an hour and half to spare before Ginjie arrived. I went to Fullybooked to find a good read. As I rummaged through the bookshelves, I felt like I was back in 2nd grade. I was alone and was looking solace in the library while everyone was having fun. With that thought, I left the bookstore feeling more sad than ever. I walked around and around the mall, and it was hard. Memories flashed. Happy times.

Too tired of walking, or probably it was the thinking, I grabbed an iced tea at Figaro and took a seat. This was the down point of the day that I was desperate to just let out everything I was carrying inside. I texted Ng, and called Tj, asking them if they were free later this evening. But they were busy with their own things, and it never did seem that they were that concerned so I just let it go. I texted Mat to just let things out... but then it was no use. I am alone to deal with everything here and that is how it's going to be, for the next two months at least.

Ginj rang me up and said she would be a bit late, so after resting I headed on to get the movie tickets. I regretted leaving Figaro moments later; I was lost once more and had nowhere to go.

I decided then to sit at the GH chapel. I found it useless though to talk to Him. Talking to Him meant having hope. I don't want to hope anymore. I don't want to have faith, in Him, nor in anybody anymore. So I just sat there, my mind a blank.

Minutes later Limgencs got my phone ringing. Ginj and Jaron came soon as well. I was glad to see them just so I could talk so someone and get my mind off things. Thanks as well to Iron Man,two and half hours of my "new" Saturday went by a little faster.

I was starving after the movie and everyone decided to just get some chow at Gerry's. I was looking at my watch... 9 pm? We chatted and had caught up on some things, but I just felt so different... I felt like I was there yet it wasn't where I belonged, where I wanted to be.

Saturdays never felt so down. I have never felt this down and alone.